Okay deep breath. I don't know who needed that deep breath, but I sure did. Life has been a roller coaster lately. I started college nearly two months ago and it has flown by. College is not what I expected it to be at all. Everyone talks about "the college experience" and let me tell you...this ain't it.
Allow me to let you in on how my last month and a half has been. First, my roommate never showed and decided not to tell me she wasn't going to show...I know how funny of her. She really got me good. For most people, they hear that and they say something like, "Oh wow you're so lucky!" But for me, going into a place only know a very small handful of people, it definitely didn't feel that way. I was constantly seeing pairs of two or four walking around campus the first few days. It was very lonely.
Only now that I am used to living by myself I am very thankful (I can pee when I want to, talk on the phone without disturbing anyone, and play music as loud as I am feeling...the Lord is good). But, the main thing on my mind is mental health. Having someone living with me would be good for me. I need that person in my life to check in on me and just be a presence.
The roommate situation isn't the only thing that I didn't expect. Covid guidelines are slightly ridiculous. Parts of campus expect one thing and other parts have other guidelines...at this point I have expected anything I have signed up for to get cancelled; and for the most part it all has. So many normal campus functions are shut down, which is sad because a lot of things I have heard so much about, I can't even do. Not to mention classes being moved to online, and the ones that do have the option aren't mandatory for you to come so no one goes.
While all these things have been curveballs, I am still learning SO much and growing the best of my ability. There is a song that I heard recently for the first time called "Dancing on the Waves" by We The Kingdom. It's basically a love song from God's point of view. Essentially it says, "Hey. I see your overwhelmed and the waves of life are getting heavy. I am here."
Presence- It means so much for someone to see what you're going through, and say, "Let me just stand with you to make sure you make it out okay." Wow. But God goes the step further. I attached the lyrics below for you to see exactly what the song says.
Not only is He there to catch us, He is there to strengthen us, fulfill us, and put us back on our feet so we can (get this) dance on top of the waves. Matthew 14 tells us the story of Jesus walking on water and calling Peter to walk out toward Him. The cool thing about this story is that Peter does, but only until he starts to see the wind and the waves violently crashing around him. He calls out for Jesus to save him, and of course, Jesus does saying, "You have so little faith. Why did you doubt me?" (Matthew 14:31).
When I dance, it's because I feel goofy. I wanna feel free and hyped up, so I dance. I am unlikely to dance around to a song when I feel insecure or sad...Selena Gomez has a whole song about this.
Feels so, feels so, feels so good to dance again...
I kick-start the rhythm
All the drama's in remission
No, I don't need permission
I kick-start my system
When I speak, my body listens
I know what I'm missing
While Selena and me both probably dance VERY differently, I get the hype. I think a reason I love her latest album is because it seems pretty vulnerable. She admits to having struggled with herself and life in the past few years, however, after taking time to build herself up, she knows her worth and able to start living her life to the fullest capability. She is able to dance again.
And while you're probably wondering why I am about to compare a pop artist to a worship song and tie it in with a Biblical meaning, I'll tell you. Jesus not only reaches out, grabs us, holds us...He helps us walk on water, and DANCE on the waves.
The waves are those things in our life crashing over us. They can come in tides or all at once. Regardless they overwhelm us. To dance on top of our biggest insecurities and issues seems bold. I don't think I have the ability to dance on top of my school work at the moment as fun as that sounds. But that's where the faith comes in.
You are a child of God. He knows us and our lives. Give Him those fears. He has His arms out ready to catch you. Once you do, He helps eliminate stress, worry, sadness, anxiety, all of it. Amidst the storms of life, it's ok to be going under. We aren't meant to brave the waves alone. He is there for us.
I encourage you to go someplace private and listen to that song (not the Selena Gomez one LOLZ...well yes actually that one too, but maybe when you're in more of a pep in your step kind of mood). Maybe that place is your closet, your car, or putting in your AirPods and closing your eyes. Wherever that place may be, listen to the lyrics of the song. Think of what God thinks of you. What do you feel you're drowning in? What is keeping you from dancing?
Sometimes I listen to this song right before I fall asleep and I just lay there and smile...it just brings me so much joy to know Jesus wants to dance on the waves with me. Amidst all my stupid issues that don't matter in the long run, He is smiling at me too, because of His incredible love that no one deserves.
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